The last few days have been interesting.
I wrote out a training plan, however, as soon as the words hit the paper, I have zero desire to follow it.. I have never been good at adhering to a plan that involves something I have always done for fun; and for the last two years the only time I ran is when I thought it might be fun. I have no issue going out and running, I have issues with feeling like I have to go out for a run. How does one overcome this mental barrier?
If I had an answer it would save me a lot of grief. I tell myself time and time again that I am training because it is something I want, yet having a goal somehow sends me slowly into denial about wanting it. A lot of this has to do with knowing that there is a chance for failure; that whatever race I do decide to actually ‘race’ will blow up and I won’t meet the time goal I set. So what? It is not like I am training for the Olympics, remember how slow I am? That thought is still there, and it gets coupled with its close friend of, “what’s the point then?”
The point is trying something difficult with a chance of failure promotes growth. It is a different type of mental agility. If I do fail, I can easily sign up for another event and try again. Quit whining over your first world problems. Yet, here I am finding every excuse to stay in my comfort zone.
This past week has been a lot of just that; time in my comfort zone. I got in three runs this week, none of them were at any effort above minimal. I fell right back into running for pleasure. While I am not going to say that this is a bad thing, it seems counterproductive to promote this behavior. Training involves effort far above minimal. It is just easy to get caught up in my head while running some place new, to listen to the sweet sultry voice telling me to slow down and take in the beauty of where you are. And that is what I give in to. I slow down to take it all in. To be completely immersed in the moment, to run in awe at this amazing earth being my home. To give this up feels like a loss. I want both the feeling of wonder and amazement while also feeling like I am pushing myself. I guess that is where the training comes in…